Presuming the best in others

This expert claims humans instinctively assume the worst. It’s worthwhile to resist this temptation.

Line-cutters are jerks. Evil neighbour with a ballot measure sign. Your coworker with a different view is uneducated.

Have you made up a story about someone to explain their beliefs? You probably portrayed the person poorly. According to Steven Collis, a law professor at the University of Texas and author of Habits of a Peacemaker: 10 Habits to Change Our Potentially Toxic Conversations Into Healthy Dialogues, humans have a natural instinct for tribalism that makes us assume the worst.

“If someone thinks differently than we do about a topic, our natural instinct is to think they must either be a fool or a monster,” Collis says. “We see the world as our allies and everyone else as our enemies. We all have a natural instinct we must overcome.”

Many of us think we know more than we do about a topic and others’ motives, compounding the issue. Collis says, “It makes it hard to understand why someone could disagree with us. If we can all develop intellectual humility, realising how little we know about a topic, it will help us not assume the worst of people who disagree with us and actually want to know why.

Line-cutters are jerks. Evil neighbour with a ballot measure sign. Your coworker with a different view is uneducated.

You can assume the best in people instead of jumping to a negative conclusion. Start by asking questions.

“Start off with not assuming this person has bad motives,” Collis advises. “Then, explore why they think the way they do. We get there by asking questions—not rhetorical ones to prove a point or show people their mistakes. Genuine questions and understanding how they reached their conclusions.”

Questioning others helps you understand their perspective. Collis often disagrees with someone on how to achieve a goal, not the goal itself.

In addition, asking questions helps people understand their own opinions and why they hold them. “Many of us are operating from instinct,” Collis says. “Having to answer questions and talk about your views and think them through helps you move away from gut instincts and think more.”

Determine Motivation
Questioning someone reveals their psychological motivations—why they do what they do and what they value most. Deepen your understanding of their concerns.

“Do they value equality? Do they value fairness? Do they value social order or helping people? Collis says we can have a robust conversation about a difficult topic once we understand that.

Two people may disagree on affirmative action. The assumption is that one person wants to help racial minorities and the other doesn’t. That’s not always true. “As you dig deeper and get into the psychological motivations, sometimes one of these people would love a world with more racial minorities in academia or the C-suite, but they’re worried about compromising quality or social order,” Collis says.

You can change your opinion of someone by understanding their motivations. Instead of fighting over a topic, you can start a conversation about how to achieve shared goals.

Why Assuming Best Matters
Assuming someone has good intent lets you have productive conversations about the hardest topics, Collis says. “We’re often talking about really complicated problems for which there aren’t obvious solutions. Even a small step towards a solution in a conversation is helpful.”

Understanding someone’s concerns helps you move forward after a controversial conversation. “Subconsciously, you’re going to be thinking about those underlying worries more than just patting yourself on the back over your own righteousness,” Collis says. That will make you consider the issue and solution.

Presuming the best in others

This expert claims humans instinctively assume the worst. It’s worthwhile to resist this temptation.

By ki0nk

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Presuming the best in others

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